I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
