just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
