I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
