There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
