So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
