the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize