paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
