I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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