you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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