I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
