I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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