I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Floor bacon is actually really good
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
