Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
