we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
40s are totally the cure
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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