I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
