I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
