i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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