Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
