I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well I just put wine in my tea
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
