Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize