Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
