u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
