Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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