I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
