There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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