Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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