No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
