i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
