So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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