I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
