I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I could make wine with my vomit
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
