Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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