Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
