It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
