omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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