I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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