The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
