we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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