i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
