I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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