you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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