Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
