to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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