Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
