hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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