I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
