you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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