last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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