alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
