Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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