Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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