everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
