i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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