Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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