You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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