I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
