i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
