She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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