I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
