Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
