So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
