Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
