I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
