Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
