Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
