Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
