oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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