Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
