3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
false alarm, still single
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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